–  More quotes from Raising an Original  Chapter 5 – It’s Not Just About Protecting Them Psychologist Chris Meno of Indiana University warns about the long-term effects of helicopter parenting: “The fruits of parental over-involvement include higher levels of anxiety and depression among adult children.  When children aren’t given the space to struggle through things on their own, they don’t learn to problem-solve very well.  They don’t learn to be confident in their own abilities, and it can affect their self-esteem.  The other problem with never having to struggle is that you never experience failure and can develop an overwhelming fear of failure and of disappointing others.  Both the low self-confidence and the fear of failure can lead to depression or anxiety.”

“I (the author) come from a family line that’s made worry, fear, and anxiety an art form.  It all came from a place of love.  From a place of responsibility and caring and heart.  But it was fear, all the same.”   

      PROGRESS AWAY FROM FEAR.  PROGRESS TOWARD TRUSTING GOD. 

“While I certainly want my kids to look back on their younger years with joy and happiness and celebration, I also know the value of difficult experiences, frustrating challenges, and overwhelming pressure.  It’s important to realize when we’re veering into helicopter hovering and mom-driven or dad-driven micromanaging.  We need to be wary of laying a cushioned and silk-tangle trap of ease and entitlement for our kids.  And we need to be honest.”

Baby Turtles – The author and her husband were at a resort where baby turtles were to be released to go to the ocean.  “The director of the release program drew a long line in the sand, marking the starting point for the upcoming journey.  He explained that the turtles needed to make their own way down to the water, that we were not to carry them to the surf.  We then began to pick up the baby turtles from the crate and set them on the sand at that line, heads facing the sea.  By then, a few other guests had made their way over to our impromptu zoological lesson and joined us in placing baby turtles on the sand.  As if a horn had sounded to start the race, little turtles began scrambling toward the waves, scaling big clumps of seaweed and pushing their way through uneven sand.  Some reached the water quickly; others moved at a more leisurely pace.  A few got a little confused.  A few stopped.  A few of the turtles seemed exhausted, overwhelmed by the challenges of the terrain.  Others got turned around, heading away from the sea or scrambling in a parallel line to the water.  We watched, a little worried, until dusk began to settle.  Finally, one of the resort guests couldn’t take it anymore.  She scooped up one of the stragglers and began to carry him down to the water, unable to bear the uncertainty.  One of the employees in charge of the release called after her, motioning for her to put the turtle down, but her overwhelming concern overshadowed his instructions.  As she gently placed the turtle in the shallows, her husband caught up with her and reminded her that she wasn’t supposed to help the turtles.  She saw her actions as a kindness.  (But was it?)

That trip from the sand to the water?  That’s critical turtle training ground.  It’s what gives baby turtles a better chance of survival.  The best conditions possible had been created by monitoring the nest and timing the release at sunset when predatory birds and scavengers are not as active.  But once those conditions had been achieved, newly hatched turtles need the trek to the water to strengthen their flippers, to practice the motion that will be required once they hit the water.  They need the experience of heading accurately toward the shore, even if it takes them a bit to figure it out.  These moments of struggle in the sand of their childhood would serve them well during their next hundred years of survival.    What an overprotective heart saw as too hard or too cruel or too tough is actually exactly what a baby turtle needed to up his chances of survival.  THE STRENGTH IS IN THE STRUGGLE.

It’s time to land the helicopter.  It’s time to untangle the snares of fear.  It’s time to trust.  For our original kids to reach their full potential, we need to model vision, courage, and daring.  Ask yourself, am I enabling or empowering?